The Hell Here Never Ends

We got this phrase from our buddies Dawn and Laurie on Cat Tales. It is used when somebody who should be perfectly happy starts whining.

Example 1: A cruising couple is enjoying a romantic nightcap on the foredeck of their trusty yacht which is safely anchored in a beautiful bay in Thailand. The wife complains when a cloud moves over the full moon. Response: “The hell here never ends!”

Example 2: A cruising couple has just enjoyed a delicious meal of steamed crab, spicy papaya salad and Phad Thai at a splendid beach restaurant in Thailand, all for under $10. The husband complains that there are no toothpicks on the table. Response: “The hell here never ends!”

It’s in the log book

Cruising friends were having a disagreement about when a specific engine failure took place. She settled the argument with, “I know for certain that it was Saturday. It’s in the log book.”

I, myself, am a little reluctant to use this phrase for two reasons. One is that I have a tendency to fall behind in my log entries, and then I have to rely on my memory, which isn’t exactly sterling. Two is that even if I am current with the log entries, the information is not always absolutely accurate. Example: for a whole week in January, all the log entries were dated JUNE.

I am told that CanKata’s log book is, by marine law, a legal document. Egad. This hasn’t stopped me from fudging some information. For instance, the other night Darrel won three games of Box Crib in a row, soundly. I did not record that in the log book. In fact, since I am the recorder, I could have written that I had actually won. I am the better card player. It’s in the log book.

Shut the front door!

We were relaxing on the foredeck, enjoying a glass of wine under a starlit sky and listening to the gentle surf splash against the beach, the only noise in the anchorage. The only noise, that is, until a jet took off from the island airport. I wanted to yell, “Shut the #$% up!”, and probably even did.

When visiting our son and his family in PEI in May 2010, we laughed when our daughter-in-law Laura came out with “Shut the front door!” meaning “get out of town” or “no way” or “you’ve got to be kidding”. I guess it could also mean simply “shut up”.

It’s so much more ladylike than “Shut the #$% up!” and has become a staple on CanKata.

You think you’re good? Well, you’re not!

While in the Cook Islands in 2007, we attended, as spectators, dance rehearsals for the festival taking place that summer.  For three of the evenings that we were at the island of Rarotonga, we walked to the Cultural Centre and got a huge taste of Cook Island culture.  The theme of that year’s festival was the arrival of Christianity, and the dancing incorporated moves that mimicked digging, hammering, and other church-building activities, and chasing off wives number 2, 3 and 4.  The dancing was amazing.  August evenings in Rarotonga are cool, but at the end of the rehearsals, the dancers were dripping in sweat.

After one particularly impressive rehearsal, we applauded loudly. The dancers grinned broadly. The dance coach scowled. He yelled at the troupe, “You think you’re good? Well, you’re not!” He then went on to point out all their flaws and goad them to perfection.

So if one of us is feeling particularly smug after finding the perfect shell, catching a large Wahoo, polishing out a stubborn rust stain, restarting a seized engine, photographing a beautiful sunset, or finding the best beach restaurant, and we’re thinking, “Boy, I’m good”, we know what the likely rejoinder will be.

The answer lies somewhere between yes and no

While in Malaysia, I took advantage of the affordable dental care and decided to get my wisdom tooth pulled. It took forever for the freezing to take. I asked the dentist why that was. She answered with, “Do you drink a lot?”

I didn’t know how to answer. Certainly, the response wasn’t “yes”, but truthfully, the answer wasn’t “no”. Having met up with some fun Canadian friends, we had been partying heavily that week. My delay in response clinched it for the dentist; she was sure I was a lush.

While I myself was horribly embarrassed by the incident, our fun Canadian friends, when hearing the story, thought it was hilarious. That’s when Brian of Cherokee coined the phrase, “The answer lies somewhere between yes and no”.

And when you think about it, isn’t that the answer to many questions about life?

May You Never Have Sand In Your Mud

In January 2006, when our visitors Dave and Jan from Alberta left CanKata to catch their flight, they yelled back to us, “May you never have sand in your mud!”  That phrase has become CanKata’s signature toast.

It started in the Caribbean at Tintamarre Island, St. Martin.  We had taken Dave and Jan ashore for some beachcombing and exploring, and decided to check out the state of the mud baths that Tintamarre is famous for.  It had just rained, and to our delight the mud holes had a top layer of soft, creamy mud that was the best we have ever seen.  Dave, Jan and I smoothed it all over us, being careful not to dig too deep because then we would hit sand.  Darrel didn’t catch on right away and had a much rougher mud bath than the three of us.  We were soothed; Darrel was sanded.  He did my back for me, and I got a feel of what his bath was like -- ouch!

So that evening, during happy hour, it only seemed natural for Jan to toast us with “May you never have sand in your mud.”  At that, Darrel finished his drink with one gulp.

DEDICATION

This blogspot is dedicated to Brian from Cherokee. He was the one who coined the word "cankata-ism", which we have since changed to CanKataKism. He frequently uses one of our favourites: The answer lies somewhere between yes and no.

This blogspot is not dedicated to Sister Gabriella, Loretta's Grade Two catechism teacher who may or may not have coined the phrase, "Remember, God is always watching you". One catechism class, Sister G drew three boxes on the blackboard.

The first one she left empty. "This is your soul without sin. If you die with this soul, you will go to Heaven”.

The second box she filled with tiny dots. "This is your soul with venial sin. If you die with this soul, you will go to purgatory, which is just like Hell, and will stay there until your sins are burned away".

The third one, she filled in enthusiastically and completely, breaking one or two sticks of chalk in the effort. "This is your soul with mortal sin. If you die with this soul, you will burn in Hell forever!"

Does Hell really exist? ... Maybe the answer lies somewhere between yes and no.